Halloween Fairy

If you're a parent of older-than-toddler children, you've likely heard of the Halloween Fairy. For those of you novice parents like myself, allow me to explain: The Halloween Fairy is that magical person who shows up in the night and trades the giant bag of trick-or-treat candy with a replacement gift.

Tigist was invited to a friend's house for trick-or-treating, followed by a slumber party. She called us before bed to announce that the Halloween Fairy would be making the trade that night, so I was a little surprised when she still returned home with a GIANT bag of halloween candy. Apparently, that bag was the leftovers. It seems Tigist has scored herself a big group of expert Trick-or-Treaters to help her make up for years worth of missed halloweens.

Zozo also had a plus sized pumpkin filled with tasty treats that she scored from just three blocks by our house. And so Drew and I got wise to you experienced parent's ways and traded in the remaining candy for a trip to Disneyland. The way we see it, it's a win-win, because the Halloween Fairy is saving a little something up for herself and her partner in crime to share after the kids go to bed at night!

Needless to say, Tigist LOVED halloween. She loved the decorations. She loved the "scary" stories. She loved the pumpkin carving. In short, she loved being a part of something fun and carefree and imaginative and couldn't for the life of her figure out why Drew and I didn't dress up too.

When we started a family, we of course anticipated lots of fun family holidays, but we never imagined introducing an 11 year old from a foreign country to our traditions. Tonight as I was driving her home and commenting on how we need to take down our halloween decorations, she asked if we were now going to decorate the house for Thanksgiving -- oh, and what is Thanksgiving again?

There is so much for Tigist to learn. So much of her history to unravel. So much new history to create. You take for granted how these traditions and family rhythms are core to our beings. Something we take so totally for granted, until along comes an 11 year old who's had no real family to speak of, a history she has no interest in remembering and zero concept of how to make these traditions her own. It will simply take time, and context, and experience. And time. And time. And time.

Tigist is transitioning beautifully. It's such a huge adjustment bringing an older child into the family. It's mind-boggling to think what she's going through but almost equally mind-boggling to process our end of the relationship. There's no book you can read to adequately prepare yourself for it and no one out there who really and truly understands it unless they've done it themselves. And so you live it. And you build a new history together. And you dress them up in halloween costumes and talk about Thanksgiving and tuck them in at night and explain why you like clothes to match and why vegetables are important and why it's important to look each other in the eye when we speak and to say thank you and sorry and hug and return hugs and clear our dishes after we eat and pay each other compliments when we think something nice and communicate when someone hurts our feelings and say sorry when we hurt someone else's feelings and explain why we close our eyes when we pray (after all, she wanted to know), and realize that this precious child is the apple of our good Lord's eye and he saw fit to place her in our homes and make our lives a little less ordinary:)

Yes this is what life has been like the last eight months.

It's extraordinary to reflect on how far Tigist has come and yet how far we still have to go together. We realize now that it will be years before it all comes together. Years before she's totally caught up from a language and academic standpoint. Years before she has the same "history" in our family that Zozo has. But in just months, she's learned so much. She is brave and strong, and our life is better for having her in it.

And of course, all of this change and adapting and attaching and bonding is tempered by every day living. School lunches, homework, AYSO soccer, after school play dates, room cleaning and chores and two parents who are totally over their heads trying to keep up with it all! Then there's Zozo. The Divine Miss Z. The apple of all of our eyes. To know her is to love her. She is wild. She is noisy. She's an entertainer. She's a singer. She's a comedian. She's a linguist. She is, in short -- magical. We are all crazy about her, and she manages to keep every one of us on our toes. Tigist is always up for the challenge, though, falling easily into the big sister role and being a great help when it comes to keeping an eye on our busy girl.

Zoe was a ladybug for Halloween. Tigist was a pink girl pirate. She HAD to wear a wig and was so excited to dress up. It's taken me about a week to actually finish this post (in five minute increments), so I have a funny Halloween Fairy update. Yesterday, Tigist noticed that I still had a big bag of candy around the house. She asked if we put it outside the door last night, if another prize would be delivered by the Halloween Fairy. It occurred to me that she actually fell for this little myth. Well who am I to correct her? I told her that the Halloween Fairy only comes on that one night, but happily realized that she'll have at least one year of her life believing in Santa Clause.